First days of school: tantrums, bad moods and other changes

Emotional stirrings at the beginning of the course

In today's post I share the article First days of school: tantrums, bad moods and other changes what I have written for The Newspaper of Andorra. You can read the original article in Catalan here. And below I leave you the Spanish translation:

First days of school: tantrums, bad moods and other changes

Returning to routine after a long vacation is not always easy. The children have said goodbye to summer after more than two months of disconnection, rest and flexible hours. Recovering school routines and schedules becomes a challenge for many families.

Children and adolescents face many changes during the month of September and this makes this month, for children and adults, one of the most emotionally stirring. We will need calm, patience and empathy towards ourselves and towards our sons and daughters to be able to navigate these changes in the best possible way.

Recovering routines, meeting new classmates and teachers, separating from parents for hours... There are many changes in a short time that can bring out many contained emotions during the day. All this can be seen translated in the form of tantrums, bad answers, setbacks, crying... And suddenly, guilt and insecurity awaken in parents. «With the desire he had to pick him up from school and just seeing me he burst into a tantrum!». Does it sound familiar to you?

Changes that we can detect the first days of school

• He is in a bad mood, appears apathetic, is irritable, cries often, has more tantrums, is restless…
• He is more unruly, has bad answers, fights more with his siblings, has difficulty concentrating, refuses to collaborate on tasks that he did before.…
• You lose your appetite, or on the contrary you want to snack between meals.
• When the time comes, he doesn't want to go to bed, he has trouble falling asleep, he has night terrors, he gets up earlier.…

What is hidden behind his behavior?

Given all these changes, it is important that let's not focus solely on redirecting behavior. We must go further and search for its origin, that is, try to find out What's behind that tantrum or bad response?. «Have you missed me? Is tired? Does he feel distressed? What makes him act like this?

There is always a reason why a child behaves in a certain way.

Instead of focusing only on their behavior, it is necessary that we find out their emotions, since Your behavior is guided by how you are feeling. When a child feels bad, he will act bad. This means that all of this translates into shouting, crying, hitting, bad answers...

The solution is not to apply punishments, threats or blackmail, because these only seek to penalize the child, they do not teach them any type of skill.. When we apply these types of strategies, the child stops the bad behavior for fear of our reaction or because he feels bad, but the underlying reason that led him to act that way does not change. Furthermore, let us ask ourselves if this is what we intend. Do we want him to be afraid of us? Do we want him to learn by feeling bad?

We may not agree with their behavior and we will have to redirect it. But emotion and need is always valid and legitimate.

Some strategies to make this transition in a more respectful way

1. Confidence and calm:

Let's be aware of our language and mood. Let's not forget that our calm is your calm.

2. Presence:

After spending a few hours at school, children need to share time with us. They often demand our attention insistently or by expressing discomfort. It's his way of telling us that they have missed us.

3. We connect and validate your emotions:

Let's ask them how they feel, how they are experiencing the return to school. Let's validate your emotions, whether they are pleasant or unpleasant. We must let them know that It is natural for them to feel sad or upset.. They must perceive our support and know that They have us at their side unconditionally.

4. Special time:

Let's look for moments to do activities with our son or daughter where we put all our attention. These moments can consist of reading a story, going out to have breakfast together... Of course, without taking the opportunity to check your cell phone or carry out any housework. It must be a joint special time.

5. Establish clear routines:

Have you ever stopped to think about the number of orders children receive throughout the day? "Pick up the toys!"; "If you're not in bed on three, today you're out of luck!"… No one likes receiving orders, much less when they contain threats or blackmail. A good way to avoid spending the day giving orders is to jointly create a routine table with images of basic morning and evening activities. This will help them visualize the tasks they must carry out on school days.

6. Take care of yourself:

The last point, but equally necessary. When one is not well it is difficult to give the best of oneself. Try to find moments for yourself, take care of your internal dialogue and do not take your child's behavior personally. Let us accompany him, and let us also accompany ourselves, with patience and respect. Breathe. You're doing it right. This too shall pass.